To the girl who thinks she isn't good enough

Today I was listening to a motivational speaker and he asked the audience what their favorite thing about their best friend was. There were many responses. He's always there for me. She never asks me to change.  I can talk to her about anything. I can call him at 3am and count on him listening to whatever problems I'm going through. She tells me the truth even when I don't want to hear it.

Okay - now ask yourself what the common theme to these responses is. Does it have anything to do with how much money they make? How about how pretty they are? Or how smart they are? NONE of the audience members once talked about any of those aspects because they simply don't matter when it comes to describing a person's worth.

I know, I know... Who am I to be telling you about your worth because I've never had the thoughts you've had, right? I just don't understand where you could possibly be coming from. Here's a secret between the two of us, okay?

I understand your pain. 

You've always been the ugly friend, right? The one who wasn't the smartest, prettiest, or funniest one out of your peers. It's a never ending vicious competition and you never seem to get a leg up on the impossible standards. 

I understand that it sucks. That you're in your twenties and feel like you should have your life together, but you don't. You're pretty good at hiding your insecurities by now, because what friends you do have would probably leave if you complained all day. 

And now there's even more ways to compare yourself to others through all of the different social media outlets which makes you feel 10x worse. You're not engaged, but every ten seconds there's a shiny ring popping up on your Instagram feed and if you hear a friend say "don't worry, there's someone out there for you" one more time, you may throw your phone and laptop off the top floor of your apartment building. You haven't graduated college yet - and you just changed your major so you're even farther behind than you ever planned. Happiness only exists to those on the other side of your screen - the models, the popular ones blessed with good looks and charm, celebrities, etc. 

I understand.

But let me tell you a secret. You are enough. You always have been for you and everyone else. We all value everyone else's opinions way more than our own and it's a major character flaw. Until you learn to value yours before anyone else's, it'll be damn near impossible to find happiness. 

I challenge you to post a picture to your profile that you love yourself in and then don't check your notifications for the rest of the day. Because once you can do that and not care about the amount of likes/comments/whatever - you've won a small, but very important battle.  

Every day I want you to repeat these same words: I am enough. I am smart. I am worth it. I love my body and my personality and I don't give a damn if anyone else thinks otherwise. It sounds so cliché and silly, but it changed my life and brought me out of one of the darkest times I've ever gone through.

It took some of my best friends and family to finally break through to me and tell me those things. I would be lying to you if I told you that evil voice in your head goes away, because it doesn't... But I can tell you with full confidence that you can control it to the point where you'll go months and maybe even years without hearing it. The next time that you do, politely bluntly tell it to kiss your ass and move on.

Maybe you had a shitty home life... Maybe you went through a horrible breakup that left you feeling worthless. It's okay that you took the time to be sad and not smile for a while. Everyone needs to take time to heal, I believe that. But I also believe that your smile lights up the world and it's a dark place without it. You may not have found it yet, but soon you'll figure out where you belong in the world and you're going to excel. And the friends that don't want to see you do better than them? Forget about them. Surround yourself with those who lift you up. You don't need to be around toxic people because I can attest to the fact that you are the average of the five people you are around the most.

Do you want to quit school and be a kick ass make up artist but are scared of what you're parents will think? Who cares, do it. You have to live with the choices you make, not them. Make yourself happy first and foremost.

Do you want to travel the world? Do it. Work your ass off and make those dreams a reality.

Either way, you're not going to get anywhere by not believing in yourself and throwing a pity party 24/7. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something to get you where you want to be.

If it helps, you always have me on your side and I'm here to talk any time you want with no judgment. So that's already one friend on your side and I'm sure you have way more than you even realize.

Love,
The girl who used to think she wasn't good enough.


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